I stepped out of the car and shut the door only to realize that I had left my keys in the ignition.  What are the consequences if I leave them in there?  I reach back in, slide them out, shut the door and lock it.   Does any of this matter?  I lift up my head and take in my surroundings.  It seems that I’ve parked off by myself, there are no cars within ten spaces of me.  I extend my right foot and begin to walk.  One foot in front of the other.  My normally swift walk has turned into something slower than a leisurely stroll.  I walk with no purpose.

I know this place well, I’ve practically lived here for the last 6 months.  I know I can’t work up a smile for the receptionist so I walk with my head down as I count my steps to the elevator.  The third floor is as always a beehive of activity.  Why do they even try?  My courage escapes me and I duck into the bathroom.  I splash cold water on my face, but I go out of my way to not look in the mirror.  I know I won’t like what I see ( or what I won’t see, would I even be there?).   I breathe deeply and sit/lean on the sink counter with my back to the mirror.  The door handle rattles but I’m not ready to leave.  Is pain the price of Love?

My trip down the hall is uneventful as I continue to stare at the floor.  I reach the door.  Its partially closed and I enter without knocking, after all, this room is as much mine as it was hers.  The couch I had pulled out to sleep on is moved back against the wall, yesterdays accumulation of clutter has been removed.    The blinds are wide open and the curtains are pulled leaving the room bright white with light.  I pull the overstuffed chair next to the bed.  I sit and hold her hand.  In the past,  I have sat like this all day, expecting her to rouse at any minute.    She would wake and tell me how much she Loves me and I would say the same to her.  We would embrace and everything would be easy from then on.  That didn’t happen, she doesn’t wake.  I stroke her hand and tears stream down my face.  Today is the day I let her go.

Life without death is is impossible.  Something is ending within us all.  I’m feeling myself disintegrate.

The Flaming Lips-Feeling Yourself Disintegrate

The Soft Bulletin

The title says it all, right? Maybe I’ll explain a bit. I am carrying the weight of this website on my shoulders. You see, this website was planned as a joint effort. My lovely wife Beth and I were going to share writing duties. As you have probably noticed, this is not happening. This website is all me with a teeny tiny sprinkle of Beth. She has (somewhat erroneously???) decided that raising our children is more important that this website, but that’s OK. I have found my peace with this. The problem is, I am running out of ideas, I need help. This brings us to our new feature, The Classic Album of the Month. Each month (or so) I will be supplying you with several posts of information on some of my favorite albums of all time. This month’s album is (drumroll).

The Flaming Lips-The Soft Bulletin ($8.97 what a freakin’ steal)

Are you at home today? At work?   Click on the link (The Flaming Lips-Soft Bulletin) and listen to this album in its entirety.  I guarantee you that if you listen to this whole album, today, in one sitting,  you will have the best day that you have ever had.

The Flaming Lips released The Soft Bulletin on June 22, 1999.  I wasn’t at the Midnight release party, but I did buy it soon after.  This is one of the best albums of all time.  My top 5?  Easily.  My top 3?  Probably.  My Top 1?  Possibly.  I am still flabbergasted (in a good way) by this album.

Here’s some info from the Wiki.   Crap, there’s nothing there.   That has to be the lamest wikipedia page ever.  Ok I think I’m on my own here.  Hmmmmm.  Uhhhhhhhhh.  Man, I’m nothing without wikipedia.   Ok, here goes.

This is an extremely accessible yet experimental album.  Its full of strong melodies and silly lyrics, but its also full of experimental instruments, noise and thought provoking lyrics.

I would love to see this album turned into a musical.

This album makes me feel like I’m blasting off in a spaceship to explore a new universe.  The universe is beautiful, but foreign.  I try to talk to the aliens, but they don’t speak English.  So I just decide to go for it and give the lead alien a big hug.  The we all realize that we share the same language-Love.  Then I get a spiderbite and a gash on my head.